May 31, 2023

Scramble All Fighters (Steam) Review - Because Sitting Calmly Doesn't Win Wars

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Scramble All Fighters (Steam) Review - Because Sitting Calmly Doesn't Win Wars

By Joel | May 31, 2023
Scramble All Fighters (Steam) Review - Because Sitting Calmly Doesn't Win Wars

Oh dear, let me tell you about the absolute masterpiece of a game called Scramble All Fighters by world renowned indie developer Ihobo Games. As you press the start button, prepare to be underwhelmed as you embark on a journey of defending your carrier ship against a mind-numbingly repetitive onslaught of enemy fighters. Your only defense? Well, get ready to scramble your fighters, because apparently, that's the only strategy you need to do in this groundbreaking title.

Scramble All Fighters (Steam) Review - Because Sitting Calmly Doesn't Win Wars

Fly. Fight. Dominate

The game allows you to command a carrier ship that's inexplicably the only thing standing between you, the enemy, and universal domination. The storyline is as thin as a strand of spaghetti left in boiling water for too long. Who needs a compelling narrative or a deep story when you can scramble fighters, right?

Graphically, get ready to witness the cutting-edge graphics that scream 'early 1990s nostalgia.' IHoHo Games has truly mastered the art of retro visuals, making you question whether you've traveled back in time to the era of pixelated nightmares.

The enemy fighters are meticulously hand-crafted and boast a stunning palette of, wait for it, three whole colors. If that isn't enough, prepare to be dazzled by the endless repetition of their identical designs, because level variety is clearly something we average gamers are not prepared for.

Now, let's talk about the gameplay, or, as we say here at the walawalagames, the lack thereof. Scramble All Fighter offers you a revolutionary approach to defending your carrier ship: scrambling all your fighters. All Day. All Night. All the Time.

There's no need for tactical decisions, strategic maneuvers, or even a shred of critical thinking, just smashing that "scramble" button and watch your fighters mindlessly engage in repetitive battles that make watching paint dry seem like an exciting roller coaster ride.

Scramble All Fighters (Steam) Review - Because Sitting Calmly Doesn't Win Wars

Mid-Air Disasters Ahead

Right now, you're probably asking yourself if this masterpiece of coding has any blemishes, right? Well, believe it or not, the game does have some quirks, because, well who doesn't love quirks? First, we have the magical line that guides your carrier from one of the screen to the other. Clearly, this feature is of utmost importance because the carrier ship is apparently incapable of moving on its own. It's not like it's a technologically advanced vessel or anything.

Nope, let's just draw lines like it's arts and crafts hour at the senior center. Second, let's talk about the repetitive gameplay that will make you want to channel your inner Mike Tyson and punch someone in the face. Brace yourself for endless waves of enemy fighters, all identical and as exciting as watching another episode of the Kardashians. The monotony is so profound that you'll find yourself questioning the meaning of life and wondering if there's anything else out there beyond scrambling fighters and tracing magical lines.

But wait, there's more! IHoHo Games decided to throw in some mind-numbingly monotonous sound effects and an uninspired soundtrack that will have you questioning the very essence of your existence. Each explosion and gunshot will make you yearn for the sweet embrace of silence, and the music will leave you wondering if you accidentally fell into a time warp back to the era of elevator music.

Scramble All Fighters (Steam) Review - Because Sitting Calmly Doesn't Win Wars

Airborne Mayhem Unleashed

All in all, Scramble All Fighter is an absolute gem of a game that will leave you questioning your life choices. By the end of a few levels, you'll be sobbing in front of your monitor, shaking your fist, and hurling insults at Steam for giving space to this abomination of a game.

So if you're looking for mindless repetition, lackluster visuals, and an overall sense of shame and guilt, then this game is an absolute must-play. Just be warned, the sarcasm levels might be too much for some players, and readers to handle.

[Note: I only used sarcasm in my review because the developers used in on their Steam page to describe their game. I actually enjoyed Scramble All Fighters in a weird sort of way. Then again, it might be the three empty glasses of rum and coke sitting on my desk talking. - Joel]

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