May 28, 2024

How to Survive a Mike Tyson Punch

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How to Survive a Mike Tyson Punch

By Rafie Rhee | May 28, 2024

Let's be real - if Mike Tyson wants to punch you, you're probably going to end up as a chalk outline on the sidewalk. The man is, after all, a former undisputed heavyweight boxing champion with a ferocious punch that could knock out a rampaging bull. Your chances of surviving one of his haymakers are about as good as a snowball's chances in hell.

But if you do ever find yourself going mano-a-mano with Iron Mike, don't just tuck your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye. Instead, employ the following tips below; it probably won't save your life, but at least you can go out with a laugh and pray it will be a relatively quick death.

Hilarious guide on dodging Mike Tyson's fists of fury. Spoiler Alert: Your chances are slim to none.

Step 1: Don't Get Punched

This may seem obvious, but the best way to survive a Mike Tyson punch is to avoid getting punched by Mike Tyson in the first place. If you see that menacing look in his eye or hear him mutter "I'll eat your children," it's time to run. Fast. Don't try to talk it out or reason with him - just put as much distance between you and those fists of fury as humanly possible.

Step 2: Become A Master Of Evasion

If fleeing isn't an option, your only hope is to channel your inner Matrix and develop superhuman dodging abilities. We're talking bend-like-a-reed, limbo-under-that-punch kind of moves. You'll need the reflexes of a cat on caffeine and the flexibility of a rubber band. Anything less and you'll be seeing tweety birds circling your head.

Step 3: Pray For A Miracle

Assuming you failed at steps 1 and 2, your last resort is to start praying to whatever God-like deities you believe in for divine intervention. Maybe they'll provide a force field or some adamantium body armor to protect you. Or maybe Tyson will spontaneously develop a rare condition that turns his bone-crushing hands into pillows. Hey, stranger things have happened, right?

Punched Out!

While the human body is remarkably resilient, it's no match for the fury of the self-proclaimed "Baddest Man on the Planet." Your best bet is to avoid being anywhere in Mike Tyson's punch radius. But if you do find yourself squaring off against the heavyweight legend's sledgehammers, make peace with your maker and update your will. You're going to need a miracle - and probably a good dentist and plastic surgeon - to survive.


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